Thursday, January 29, 2009

Thursday's Child Has Far To Go

I was actually born on a Thursday. Plus that's a line in a Harry Nilsson song, "Here's Why I Did Not Go to Work Today." Very slow, jazzy, New York-esque song. Love it, love it.

I have had such a good morning today. Both today and yesterday I had a nice cup of tea, Irish Breakfast actually. Today I picked up the always-present New York Magazine on our coffee table and started flipping through it. I've never actually read it before, but today it just felt right. I actually loved it. It just felt right on my day off. And then I had this urge to knit, so I busted out the knitting needles and cheap yarn I own and got to work. Of course, since it's been almost two years, I did have to look at the book to remind myself how to cast on and knit, but it came right back. Like ridin' a bike. And I still do not know how to purl. It drives me nuts still. I just am incapable of doing it. Now, that could be because I am trying to learn via a picture book, which is not the best way for me. Once I actually do it with my own hands I will never forget, but until that happens purling will be my elusive unicorn stitch.

"So, if you think you are standing firm, be careful that you don't fall! No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; He will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, He will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it."
-1 Corinthians 10:12-13

I've been thinking a lot about temptation and what that looks like in my own life. I mean, I totally know what it looks like, and it is very attractive. It takes the form of something I deeply desire and long for. But temptation is not beautiful. It's not actually worth anything. Thank You Lord for Your Word. It is something still so relevant in my life. Even the same verse, one year it can mean something and the next year it can speak to something completely different. Beautiful.

I am grateful to God for His faithfulness. He is always faithful. He cannot be anything but faithful. So I have to learn from my own past, just like Paul talks about. It reminds me of a sermon I heard back at CCCN, way back in... 2004 or 2005, during senior year of high school. S was talking about self-confidence v. God-confidence. I don't remember the nuts and bolts of it, but I do remember that comparison, confidence in myself v. confidence in God. And how I understand more and more what that actually means. My confidence, my strength, my assurance, none of that is actually "mine." It all comes from the Lord. He gives me strength because He is my strength. I know I am weak. I know I do stupid things for dumb reasons. God rescues me, and He tells me that I know the truth. I know what to do, so I just need to do it. I don't know all of the truth, but I know enough to make a decision. And this particular decision hurts a part of me to make, but at the end of the day I know it is the right one. T and I used to talk a lot about "counting the cost" and what that means/looks like. It is something I am growing to understand. God is my Redeemer.

I wish I could write more, but I've got to jet. I can't believe I just used the phrase "got to jet." Quote for the day comes from my man Harry:

"Now/If you haven't got an answer/You'd never have a question/And if you never had a question/Then you'd never have a problem/But if you never had a problem/Well everyone would be happy/But if everyone was happy/There'd never be a love song"

Monday, January 26, 2009

First Time

Here it is, my very first blog on this new site. I've been blogging since 10th grade, me and my LiveJournal. But then that expanded into a Xanga and a MySpace page. Updating everything just got too involved. So now I am excited to have consolidated everything into one page.

My posts tend to be random. I write like I talk, and I talk like I think - I just jump around.

Yesterday K messaged me on Facebook, saying "explain your status." My status mentioned blogging, and I told him about how I used to blog and now I'm looking forward to starting again. He said he would like to read my old stuff, so I sent him the link to my LiveJournal. And then I started to read the old entries. Wow, it was the best thing ever! I'm thinking to myself, "what the heck was I thinking?" Some of it is profound, some of it is melodramatic, most of it is just what I did during the day. Classic stuff right there. It's just great to see this progression in my life from 16 to 22, how much I've grown and changed.

Speaking of growth, I felt like I stretched and grew yesterday afternoon. In the morning I had Sunday school. We actually had about seven babies in the nursery, so it was quite active in there. There was a new kid, G, this absolutely adorable one-year-old I am kind of irrationally in love with. He has these chubby cheeks and shoulder-length blonde hair. Fantastic. Anyway, my friend D from church is a costume designer for theatre, and she designed the costumes for this show on Barrow Street called "The Whale." She and I and another girl C went to see it. It was actually really good. It was a one-man show about Moby Dick. The actor was really into it and really physical in the role. After that I just went to Bobst and then to Starbucks uptown to journal before evening service. Something just clicked when I was journaling that evening. I'm reading Desiring God by John Piper and The Pursuit of God by A.W. Tozer. Both books have changed my life and are continuing to do so. I've just noticed how more honest my journal entries are becoming. Ever since last November when I started on Boundaries.

I've been thinking a lot about desire and what that means in my life. Why I am a classic avoidant and afraid to ask for anything I want. Yesterday when I went to see the show with my friends, it was just nice to spend time with friends from church. And how working in the nursery at church is getting easier. I just feel more confident and assertive. I feel like I'm standing on something that won't crumble and won't drop me. If the Lord is my foundation, I cannot fall. It is just so beautiful not only to realize this but to live it out.

Church service was great, and coffee hour afterwards was the best. It was nice to catch up with everyone. C (the pastor) uses a blue razor scooter to commute to church. Pretty much the best thing ever. It felt like family. Next week is a membership class I'm going to be a part of.

I just got a new clock radio that not only plays my iPod but it also charges it! Yay! I bought it in Florida two weekends ago at the B/X. It took me two mornings to figure out how to get it to actually play my iPod, but now I have done it. It's nice to be able to choose the song I wake up to now. I love the radio and waking up to music, but I just can't get up happily to a commercial or to talk radio. I just can't do it. I admit it. And this new alarm does not have a snooze button. I didn't know it when I bought it, and for the first day I thought "what?!?!" but now I'm actually glad. I get up faster now.

Netflix just put Cool Hand Luke on their "watch instantly" list. Or else it has been on it for a while but I just never noticed. Love that movie, absolutely love it. I had forgotten about the part in the beginning with the parking meters. I remember the first time I saw that movie. Tenth grade over Thanksgiving break. I was in Foley, AL at my grandparents house. My brother and I had driven over Wednesday after school let out. I remember that she had a satellite TV we could watch.

Wow, Cool Hand Luke. Chain gangs. I saw them all the time when I was a kid. I remember when my uncle Jeff lived with us in Florida, back when he was a construction worker. He used to have to call the supervisor "boss-man." He would tell us about his day and all the stuff "boss-man" did or said. I'm pretty sure I though "boss-man" and "shop chief" were the only names you could call your boss. No one in my house ever had a "manager" or "supervisor."

Now I'm starting to think about all of the prison movies I love. Cool Hand Luke. O Brother, Where Art Thou?. The Shawshank Redemption. Something about redemption and second chances I just love.

I played Guitar Hero for this first time with J and W on Saturday. It was actually kind of amazing. I totally failed my first try, but then I got the hang of it. Plus we unlocked "Mississippi Queen," so there you go.

I actually went out and bought some eye cream, and I used it for the first time last night. I can't believe I'm doing this, and by "this" I mean writing about it and using it. L'Oreal Eye Defense. Haha, what am I turning into? It reminds me of Steel Magnolias where Shelby says she noticed the beginnings of crow's feet. Then Truvy says "time is marching across your face." Shelby is only, what, 24 during that part of the movie? She's 22 when she marries Jackson, I think. Anyway, I'm doing it. Pre-emptive strike.

I'll write more later. Got to get to the gym and do the dishes.

Quote for the day, in honor of Paul Newman:
"He's a natural born world-shaker."